Its May 2026, I am sitting in a cafe staring at my laptop screen thinking to myself, how can I make productive use of this uninterrupted time that I have managed to secure by escaping a mundane afternoon at home. There, I’d simply be waiting for my son to wake up from his nap so I could spend the next forty minutes coaxing him through lunch with the help of some chickpeas floating in a bowl of water or by engaging him in some random cat and cow stories and negotiating another spoonful.

Behind me sits a young man and a woman meeting through an arranged marriage setup. I assume it’s their first meeting because the conversation sounds exactly like every first interview disguised as a date. The questions are polite, predictable, and painfully rehearsed. The girl sounds like an ambitious one, and the boy is still figuring out his identity but has mastered the art of pretending to be progressive. Both seem disinterested and have done a huge favour to their parents by simply being here. In the middle of this absolutely dull conversation the boy very casually asks the girl “If you plan to work all day, how will you take care of the house and other family responsibilities?” 

To which the girl replies “Just like how you will”

I almost laughed out loud. 

The girl’s response was simple but revolutionary. The boy must have been appalled; there was a moment of silence before they casually tried to wrap it up.

Hoping this proposal does not ever see the light of the day I went on to think “Are Indian men and families ready for woke women?”

What is a woke woman, you ask? To me, a woke woman is educated, independent, opinionated, and expressive. She is financially aware and self-directed. She has learned from the women who came before her and is consciously choosing a different path. She wants a seat at the table without having to earn permission for it. She values family but refuses to believe that freedom and family are mutually exclusive. She understands that financial independence is not just about money—it is about choice, dignity, and the ability to shape her own life.

If you are a woman reading this, and you can relate to this definition of a woke woman do you see yourself shying away from it? Does all of this come effortlessly to you? Even when you are present, you are rarely entirely present. Somewhere in the background there is something always pulling you back?

Whether it is in male dominated board rooms or a rishta setup, women continue to struggle to be understood. The choice to pursue a career, is still frequently interpreted as a rejection of family, traditions and care giving. Women are still having to repeatedly justify that their ambition does not limit their capacity to care. What many fail to grasp is that a woman’s desire to be a working professional does not always stem from hatred of domestic responsibilities. More often, it comes from being seen as a complete human being-someone whose identity extends beyond the roles she plays for others. 

What stayed with me from their conversation wasn’t the young man’s question, it was how comfortable he seemed asking it. 

How often do we discuss at length where these issues emerge from and why they still exist. 

The truth is he did not look very conservative. He was educated, urban and articulate. He has probably studied alongside many ambitious women. He may have even admired them, also must have wanted to date one of those ambitious cool girls in his college days.  Then what could have possibly gone wrong that he wants to get married to a girl who prioritises ‘home’ first and ‘work’ later?

Was it just him, or was it the environment he grew in at home? No matter how modern our education may be, our understanding of relationships is often shaped by what we witness at home. His version of an ideal life partner might have been altered to what he witnessed at home every single day of his life. An exhausted, selfless woman working tirelessly only for her family, often without acknowledgment and mostly without a choice. ̉ 

Many families today are happy to educate their daughters. The harder question is are they equally comfortable for the independence, ambition and choices the education often brings. Are they secure enough to not be shaken by a strong voice coming from another gender whose voice was previously muted. Are we raising our daughters to think for themselves, only to be uncomfortable when they actually do?

Perhaps the problem is not that women have changed. Perhaps the expectations from them haven’t changed enough. We want modern women but with traditional boundaries. We are celebrating ambition until it’s demanding accommodation. We are applauding independence until it is challenging established roles, especially in our own homes.  

The girl in the cafe wasn’t asking for permission to work, contribute or build a life of her own. She was simply expecting partnership and perhaps that’s the real shift.